rant ahead. please leave if you dont want to feel disgusted. like seriously.
im not sure how to describe my feeling rite now, sometimes i wish i never came here to study, living my life peacefully without any pressure about anything back at my hometown. do u ever find yourself over thinking something that everyone think there’s a very simple solution for it? i do,i always do. i never let myself feel free without thinking too much of something. it’s either a good thing or a curse for your life.
ive been living on my own in this country for few years, a lot of people has come and go wether i like it or not and somehow it’s getting lesser and lesser, cos it’s just life. the more i get into it the more i feel like a stranger lost in some place im not familiar with. feel not welcomed, feel rejected, feel like im all by myself. i miss my hometown friends very much, very very much, it’s where i feel safe cos they know me inside out without worrying they will leave me..the only time i can laugh out loud is whenever im with them.
at here, ive tried so damn hard to make friends. but it’s never enough, always feel left out, unimportant and dont have the right to voice out, or else they will straight leave me without considering how i feel. im very tired of trying..but i hate to be alone. someone told me i should ask instead of waiting. trust me, i’ve done alot of asking, which most of it turn out to be a rejection. so what does an over and over rejection do to a person? it made one feel rejected rite? that’s why sometimes i just wait, to see who is sincere enough to think of me, but it doesnt help at all as well, nobody think of me. friend standard is just too high at here. or maybe the perception is just different. do u guys really take me as a friend or just a joke 😦 but then i dont have many friends here.
i wish i have a group of friends that i can turn to whenever we need each other. too bad everywhere i turn it’s just shadows.